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Sevafrica.com
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You and your honey have been together for a few years now, and you both have decided to take things to that exciting next step. But how can you both make sure that you’re doing the right thing? In other words: are you ready for marriage?
Many religious organisations now won’t marry a couple if the pair has not undergone pre-marital counselling. While many couples would wonder of the effectiveness, it is through these sessions that several religious leaders have found that couples spend more time worrying over wedding arrangements than that of the actual marriage. It’s important to remember that not being ready for marriage is one of the most obvious reasons why marriages don’t work. There are a lot of things to consider beforehand.
Take the questions below for example. Either or neither of you may have thought about them, but they are some of the biggest you’ll have to answer in your life. Remember that there is more to a successful marriage than love. You’ll both need to sit down and answer these questions on a piece of paper and then compare and decide. Remember that these aren’t the only things you need to consider, you need to do some soul searching on your own.
What is a marriage?
Everyone has a different view on marriage. One of the most important topics is that of the roles you’ll both play, as individuals and as a couple. Have you both discussed this before? Do you expect him to pay all the bills? Does he expect you to stay home with the kids when you are planning a career? You will need to be sure that both of your views on marriage have common ground.
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Are you willing to put up with the obstacles that are thrown at you?
Will you be able to put your own needs on the back burner, and manage and satisfy those of your marriage and family? Are you able to get up at 3am and tend to the baby? Or buy that family van instead of the sports car you love so much? Marriage and families go hand in hand with compromise and change – a certain amount of flexibility is necessary for (relatively) smooth sailing.
Are you willing to spend your life with this one person?
Can you honestly picture going to bed and getting up each morning, seeing the same face next to you? Does that please you or freak you out? Imagine holding that same hand through the good and bad times of life, and think of whether or not you feel safe with this person... if the answers are still positive after a good soul-search then know you’re onto something good!
Will you be able to make decisions without the help of your parents?
Asking your parents for advice is not usually a sign of weakness, but at crunch time the decision eventually is yours. You can’t go running to mummy and daddy every time you have an argument, you’ve left the nest, after all. But at the same time their thirty or forty years of experience compared to your two or three shows that you could definitely learn a thing or two about marriage!
Do you want children? Does your partner want children? Can you both afford having children?
Don’t take these decisions for granted. They are important, especially if the views become opposing. You should not have to succumb to someone else’s wants to make this work smoothly. How long after you are married do you expect to start a family? Straight away? After you establish your career? Or when both of you are financially sound? Also think about the number of children you want.
Where will you live after marriage?
Your parents? On your own? Are you comfortable and accepting of this idea? Would you be able to afford to pay for a place? Most importantly, would you be able to run a household?
Ways to realise a guy isn’t marriage material:
He says he doesn’t want to get married- sorry to burst your bubble dear, but accept it and move on. Trying to convince him is only going to make matters worse. The worse thing for you would be him giving in and finding out that he doesn’t want to be there.
He buys a Porsche- this shows he has no plans for you both, there is no “we” in that relationship, just “I”. This irresponsible behaviour won’t work in a marriage.
Calls all his married friends losers- for obvious reasons you know why you can’t go on with this one.
Continually makes you cry- if he is abusive, a liar, cheat and unreliable, let him go!
If you are unsure about the future with your partner, make sure you take notice of the way he conducts his life with you, the way he acts regarding the future, marriage and children.
You should never assume someone is not ready for marriage, go out and be direct with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Your reaction is simple believe what they say. If they aren’t ready or willing just move on with your life and find someone who is ready.
Article by:Alishka Rabinarain
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