The words "I do", only comprised of three simple letters and supposedly should be easy to utter but what makes so many people find it hard to say them?
Saying "I do", to many, is a steep hill; a decision they cannot easily reach; for it has a potential to change their whole lives or even turn them upside down. Even though some people jump roof-high when a question prompting them into saying "I do" is pitched, it does not make it any less difficult coping with the complications and hardships that accompany such committing words.
The alarming divorce rate might be a sign that people engage into such commitment unprepared and without thinking about the life that will follow after marriage. Simple things like change of city for career growth, new responsibility of heading a family and making decisions not only based on your own interests but on someone else’s too, the children, income, expenditure patterns and so on come into play after marriage.
Simple arguments create havoc and people forget why they were convinced to the same person in the first place. Perhaps the reason why tolerance is so scarce is because the decision was not taken with a clear view of what to expect and/or the person was not ready for such commitment. Before you do the same mistake; ask yourself these questions:
1. How well do you know your partner now?
For someone you have been with for a certain number of months or even countable years, are you really convinced that you know them inside out? Have you been opening up to each other and have you given yourself enough time to observe him or her? Spending time together is one thing but learning each other is another. For someone you can barely finish a paragraph about their family, background or even simple things like their favourite book; are you convinced you know enough to get yourself involved for a lifetime period?
2. Can you live together with your partner peacefully?
Frequency of arguments will decide if you can live together with your partner peacefully. Look back at your relationship and try to remember on the topics that you've argued about. Were they petty or serious? Arguments are normal, but the seriousness of the argument will determine how well you can live with your partner once you get married.
3. What is your motive for marrying him or her?
If you see your partner as a loyal provide or a third balancing-leg you never had; what will happen when s/he lose everything, become ill or paralysed and can no longer provide you? If you have other motives other than love and generating happiness your chances of survival in a challenging marriage are zilch.
Wealth cease, beauty fades and trophy wives get wrinkles too. If you are holding onto materialised things...think again.
Facts that will remain unchanged
Not every decision will have the approval of both parties and even things you used to do together might start to create disagreements and each party will start pointing fingers at how the other one has changed after marriage. However, the fact of the matter is, since the Stone Age, things have never remained the same after entering a family formation contract. Marriage is like a contract and it comes with its terms and conditions but people often ignore them and hope to make their way the other way round.
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The whole situation becomes give and take and if one person’s needs are not taken into consideration you will be basically cooking a recipe for combat and finally the word fight in a divorce court. Every decision you will be making as from the day you say "I do" will have to be finalised only after the consultation of your chosen lifetime partner and you should not expect him to say yes to everything.
Frequent night out with friends and disappearing without living a mark to trace your whereabouts is something you definitely would need to reconsider because no man or woman settles for walls’ companionship. This is why it is often said that people should not rush into getting married and it is the same reason it was called settling down in the first place.
The best part of it
So many warnings we get about committing ourselves to marriage but all is not lost. Marriage is not supposed to scare us but rather be our fort of happiness. Christians regard it as a blessing and as far as I can remember; no blessing is set to complicate life. What most married people would tell you is how amazing it is having a loving partner and seeing your family grow happily.
Knowing you have someone to off-load all your day frustrations to when you come home and someone to assure you, you are being loved even when you feel like the world is closing in on you does not come easily and therefore should be celebrated.
After all, marriage grooms an individual and people who disagree to this are mostly those who cannot stand up to commitment. If you know you can, there is nothing wrong in saying "I do".
Article by: Londiwe Buthelezi
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