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Mother-daughter relationships are always tricky. That being said, however, no matter how good or bad your relationship may be, when you’re finally ready to take that step into holy matrimony, the person you expect the most honesty from is your mother. After all, she usually gives you advice whether you ask for it or not, so you would think that when you take one of the most important steps of your life she would be the first to tell you the truth, right? Not necessarily. Basic, cliché advice like always keep your husband happy and don’t ever go to bed angry, but did she tell you what to do when you are unhappy? Or how to cope after you’ve had a serious argument, as well as the many other awful situations that married couples face? Well if she didn’t, here’s some advice.
Here are certain situations you wish you had known how to deal with:
Your mother may have not have told you what to do if there is lack of sexual intimacy in your marriage. Okay, it’s embarrassing to talk about, but you have to work it out, because intimacy plays a great part in marital bond, not only with sex but the feelings of being close creates a stronger bond between spouses.
If you’ve had an explosive quarrel (which all couples go through) and it results in either one of you wanting to go your separate ways, then step back and rationalise the situation. Find ways of initiating compromise as a couple, try to work together and not against each other. Remember when you are married it’s not just about you anymore.
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If you feel that your partner is being selfish and is neglecting your needs, instead of arguing bring it to his/her attention, but be careful in your choice of words. Marriage is a partnership and you should always think of your significant other and how they might feel. Look at the situation through your their eyes, are you being reasonable?
A serious matter you wish your mother had discussed with you is what to do when your partner has betrayed you by being dishonest or committing adultery. Your mother would probably never have expected that and neither would you, but it is a possibility! So how do you deal with it, where do you go from there? You need to set those rules before you get married. Marriage is about honesty, if either of you can’t be truthful to each other or yourself, there will be rocky times ahead. Your spouse may not be able to keep forgiving your mistakes. If you both are willing to make it work after such a situation you may want to consider counselling.
When your husband/ wife’s teasing gets out of hand, picking on your appearance or career, how do you deal with it? DO NOT RETALIATE with fist fights; instead communicate positively. So what if you may have picked up a few extra pounds over the years, you are still the same person and you should be loved for who you are. If you are the one doing the teasing do not let the situation backfire on you. Being teased can build up as resentment over time. If you want your partner to get into better shape or become ambitious, motivate them and support them rather than criticise them.
A marriage thrives on respect. If your husband thinks that because he is a man he can treat you disrespectfully, but expects respect from you, then you need to firmly point out that respect is a two way street. To earn respect you need to show it as well. This goes for any situation.
Importantly, how do you deal with a mother-in-law from hell, who thinks her son would have been better of married to her best friend’s daughter? You feel as though she is effortlessly trying everything possible to split up your marriage. The best advice is to prove to her that her son made the right decision when he chose to marry you. You need to be the best daughter-in-law possible. Eventually she will have to accept that her son has a special lady other than her in his life and be happy.
However, we can’t always blame our mothers for not mentioning to us the bad sides of marriage. In the past wives succumbed to their husbands. Now women have become more empowered by knowing their rights, marriage today is a loving partnership.
Article by: Nadia khan
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